JULY 19, 2017 by Stephen McLaren
We're really worried . .

the following are listed & answered here :

We're really worried . .

We are really worried about speaking in public

There is no compulsion for you to say anything at your wedding. However, most people feel that your public declaration of vows or promises to each other is one of the most important parts of the ceremony. The easiest way around this is for your promises to be spoken by your Celebrant, to which you each answer “I do”, “I will” or “I promise”. The promises themselves can of course be highly personal and heart-felt. It’s your words that matter.

Can we write our own vows ?

Personally expressed vows/promises/commitments are often the highlight at a humanist wedding. We therefore  encourage you to compose/choose your own words, inclusive of whatever help and support you need. Many choose to hold these as private from each other until the wedding ceremony. You can imagine the impact of that !

Do we have to write our own vows ?

That is not essential. Your Celebrant can provide a range of sample vows for you to consider and you might want to use these or adapt them slightly. It’s entirely up to you but if you decide to write your own, your Celebrant can help you get started with that and will of course be happy to act as a sounding board for your ideas.

We really like some of the traditional vows. Can we use these ?

Yes you can. Many couples fell there is real gravitas in traditional religious/cultural wordings and these can be adapted slightly to make them appropriate for your non-religious ceremony. Parts of the registry office words are popular too and, if you wish, these can be incorporated into your vows or as part of exchanging your rings.

We’d like to include a ritual from another culture. Is this ok ?

Humanist ceremonies are non-religious but there are many rituals that can be included from other cultures, such as hand-fasting, planting a tree, a kist routine, jumping the besom, sand, gravel or mixed liquid rituals or the two-handled Quaich routine. Your Celebrant can suggest many options.

Can we have music during the ceremony ?

There is real poignancy in music, especially if it’s special to you as a couple. It can be a combination of live, recorded, or even having a meaningful song for everyone to sing as a communal blessing. Your Celebrant can suggest options for you to consider.

Are there any concerns about the ceremony being photographed / videoed ?

Your Celebrant will be ok with that, concerned only that you get the appropriate record of  such an important day in your married lives together. Photographers mostly love humanist weddings as there can be a lot of interaction for them to capture on film and/or vocal, particularly since our couples are always encouraged to face their guests, revealing those intimate facial expressions and those happiness and tearful moments.

I’m worried I might cry during the wedding.

A highly personal wedding is an emotional occasion and it’s not unusual for there to be both tears and laughter during your ceremony. This is part of what makes it so memorable – Your wedding  has huge significance in so many lives and showing your emotions/feelings adds to that. Throughout, your Celebrant is always a reassuring presence and brings support & sensitive timing to such expressions.

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